It’s been a looooong week, even though my flight got canceled oh Monday and I didn’t get back to Chisasibi until Tuesday afternoon. When I did return to work, it always felt like there were a million things to do. But I guess that was problem number one – I let it overwhelm and consume me.
Both at school and at home, I constantly felt disorganized, as if I could never get my work in order. I wear my stress too easily; J. laughs at me because he says I get “twitchy” when my plans get messed up. Even walking through the corridors of the high school, I look like I’m rushing from one place to another. I become hyper when I’m tense.
I’ve also realized that I want everything to be completely organized. I want it to be controlled, so I might take on a job by myself instead of divvying it up. I’ll try to take on a task when other people should be doing it and that’s not a good habit. The problem becomes compounded because, once the task is under my responsibility I’m not good at offloading – I feel guilty for “dumping” it on someone else.
It took the whole four days for me to finally say, I’m an idiot. Why am I doing this to myself?! I missed badminton on Tuesday evening and schedule Parent’s Night on Thursday when I should be at my boot camp class, sweating and running around the gym with M. and my student J. I stay up too late, writing work emails when I should be winding for bed and end up not getting enough hours. I’m not being paid to work ten or twelve hour days, but I’m act like I am, even though there’s someone to help me out!*
Finally, by Friday afternoon, I used the timer on my watch, set it for 4:45 pm and told my coworkers that I’m clocking out when it goes off. I don’t care who’s in the classroom or what’s going on, I’m headed to the gym. And that was the best way to end the work week. The way I should be ending every work week.
*Since Tuesday, I’ve been training a new staff member. My boss sent up another teacher to give me additional help so that I’m not carry so much on my own. The moment I got to the airport in Waskaganish, I was already in work mode, since T. actually had to pass through Waskaganish from Toronto and we ended up going back north on the same flight.