Keeping It Under Control

It’s been a looooong week, even though my flight got canceled oh Monday and I didn’t get back to Chisasibi until Tuesday afternoon. When I did return to work, it always felt like there were a million things to do. But I guess that was problem number one – I let it overwhelm and consume me.

Both at school and at home, I constantly felt disorganized, as if I could never get my work in order. I wear my stress too easily; J. laughs at me because he says I get “twitchy” when my plans get messed up. Even walking through the corridors of the high school, I look like I’m rushing from one place to another. I become hyper when I’m tense.

I’ve also realized that I want everything to be completely organized. I want it to be controlled, so I might take on a job by myself instead of divvying it up. I’ll try to take on a task when other people should be doing it and that’s not a good habit. The problem becomes compounded because, once the task is under my responsibility  I’m not good at offloading – I feel guilty for “dumping” it on someone else.

It took the whole four days for me to finally say, I’m an idiot. Why am I doing this to myself?! I missed badminton on Tuesday evening and schedule Parent’s Night on Thursday when I should be at my boot camp class, sweating and running around the gym with M. and my student J. I stay up too late, writing work emails when I should be winding for bed and end up not getting enough hours. I’m not being paid to work ten or twelve hour days, but I’m act like I am, even though there’s someone to help me out!*

Finally, by Friday afternoon, I used the timer on my watch, set it for 4:45 pm and told my coworkers that I’m clocking out when it goes off. I don’t care who’s in the classroom or what’s going on, I’m headed to the gym. And that was the best way to end the work week. The way I should be ending every work week.

*Since Tuesday, I’ve been training a new staff member. My boss sent up another teacher to give me additional help so that I’m not carry so much on my own. The moment I got to the airport in Waskaganish, I was already in work mode, since T. actually had to pass through Waskaganish from Toronto and we ended up going back north on the same flight.


One thought on “Keeping It Under Control

  1. Pingback: Applying the Lesson | Stumbling Through My Thirties

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