The weather over the past few days has really been gloomy. And I feel like I’ve been low on energy too.
After work today, I kept making excuses in my head to skip my workout. I forced myself to go to they gym, after all, but had to take the lower-energy versions of each move (e.g. didn’t jump in the jump-squats).
I know I’ve been getting stronger and have progressed a lot since mid-August. Two weekends ago, I did my first public headstand near a raging river; I’m pretty confident and stable enough now in my sirasasana to invert myself anywhere. On Saturday night, I did a 2-hour Fit Jam session with M. and still had energy to keep going at 10 p.m. And earlier that day, I even did my first scorpion handstand.
But lately, I feel as if I’m hitting a wall.
It might surprise you to hear this, despite all the progress I’ve made. I mean, I really want to be able to master a basic freestanding handstand. And even having etched out a plan to get stronger, there’s a shred of doubt that has been growing and eating at me the past couple of days, telling me I will never be able to achieve what I want. Bakasana, tittibhasana and mayurasana seem like impossible feats, despite logic telling me they are attainable with lots of training and patience.
I know that hitting a wall is completely normal.
And getting over it can take time. I’m just mentally stuck right now, because I have been kicking ass at inversions the past six, seven weeks and even added another asana to my practice just four days ago. The INTJ tells me I am being completely illogical, that I have to let go of whatever it is that is holding me back – vanity, ego, frustration, lethargy … who knows.
I suppose the cure might be a break from Waskaganish. J. and I will be taking off for the weekend for Thanksgiving, so it might just be the recharge session I need to get me back into the groove.