Sooooooooo I started online dating. For the first time EVER in my life.
Recently, a good friend set me up on a blind date. The guy was handsome, polite, had a good job, had good teeth, enjoyed traveling and had interests in personal development. It went well but there was zeeeeero chemistry.
I admit I’ve been thinking about what my potential future could look like. I’ve since thrown out the idea of moving to Ottawa, after my break-up in October, and the former dream of buying a home in the next 3-5 years. Ottawa was an affordable market and I had daydreams of a little townhouse for 250-300K, but now, I’m back to a single income. While I have work in Kitchener-Waterloo, the housing market here is already inflated, so everything is out of my budget! And as an Occasional Teacher, a.k.a professional substitute teacher a.k.a underemployed educator, I don’t have the financial stability yet to even be seriously considered for a pre-approval*, nor would I be able to pass a stress-test.
Right now, I’ve got my own projects – YTT, my online course – and am slowly making friends in the city, people who actually text me back and invite me out! I put myself on a self-imposed “man ban” for the past 3 months after getting annoyed that men were hitting on me when all I wanted to do was MAKE SOME FRIENDS. Frustrated, I ended up hanging out with women or in large social groups; for the past three months, I had flat out refused to hang out with any man solo. No, nope, naaaaah. But when January rolled around, I decided to officially put myself out there… again.
What do I hope to achieve? Feel out what kind of guy I am looking for**, potentially make some new connections, renew my sense of confidence, learn about different parts of the city I’ve yet to explore*** and just have a whole lot of fun while dating.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to create an expectation like “I’d like to be in a relationship within this year”. I am enjoying being single. I’m enjoying not having to worry about anyone else’s priorities, needs or wants. I don’t have to feel guilty for going on a trip without my partner. I don’t have to make dinner for anyone else and can do whatever the fuck I want, all the time, with zero emotional baggage from another human being.
I haven’t really experienced much of that since I was 25 years old, so I’m going to take things slow, amazingly slooooooow, achingly, unbearably, uber slow. In the meanwhile, I am enjoying Matthew Hussey YouTube series (and I can pretty much stare at this man all day). Here’s a really good clip:
Thankfully, I’m not the type to sit around and mope at home (for more than 2 days, at least). I did that in October and November, but if you know me well, I get bored waaaaay too easily. I’m always on the hunt for something new to do or to learn about. I am far too curious a person to subject myself to isolation.
Yes, sometimes I do curl up with a hot tea or hot chocolate (almond milk, of course), crawl under my three blankets and dive into another episode of Black Mirror or The Crown. Yet I also crave interaction, so I’ve got a nice balance of going out and finding time for my introvert batteries to recharge.
Here’s a little secret, I currently have a guy who’s crushing on me. I had it go to my head for the last two days, listened to a podcast to bring my feet back to the ground, Lilly Singh also gave me a good slap in the face yesterday. Her videos are sassy and she’s such an amazing comedian that she puts it all into perspective:
I have a great laugh watching her videos, and what I’ve learned is that I am having fun learning about how all this dating stuff works. While I daydream about it, an actual long-term relationship doesn’t have much appeal right now. I briefly imagined what it would be like to commit and I had a visceral physical reaction from this thought experiment, as if all my newfound free was being whisked away. Ahhhhhhhh, it was frightening!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Who knows, that might change in 2 months or 4 months or 8. Just rolling with the punches, enjoying the freedom that I had never ever experienced before in my 30s … and yes, in the city!
That’s all I’ll divulge for now. I don’t normally write much about relationships but I haven’t written a personal update in a while.
*I had actually made an appointment with TD Canada and even had a fellow Bunzer walk me through all the steps for buying a home, which was very informative.
**I had recently
reread relistened? to Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance. When asked what traits people look for in a partner, research shows we don’t end up with people who even match our criteria! Just keep an open mind!
***There are some really hip places hidden around these two cities … as a Torontonian, I am shocked.